So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
