Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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