i'm signing you up for texting rehab
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.