Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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