is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.