she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
