We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize