oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
