I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS