so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.