i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.