Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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