so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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