did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
