but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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