he shaved USA in his pubs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
