Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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