remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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