Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am available for nakedness
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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