what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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