3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
