my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
