I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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