He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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