You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
