Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
