He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
