she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
