Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
