I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
