I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
