Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
