Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well you can't waste a boner
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
