when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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