my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
