If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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