I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
