McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
