Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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