You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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