Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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