I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
