it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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