the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
