I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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