about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
