Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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