you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize