I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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