I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
