this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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