just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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