Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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