its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
