it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
