I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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