sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
