my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize