I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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