This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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