when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
