there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
